That’s what I said as the waiter lay my breakfast in front of me. He smiled sheepishly. He knew the meal was substandard. Quite turn-key offensive to be honest. He didn’t cook it, but he had actually served it up. That made him as guilty as the cook. Two eggs, some red sauce on top, and what looked like a crushed bag of plain Doritos sprinkled , not so sparingly, on top.

Okay, so I may be a bit of a DIVA, but I know how to cook. I did not like the way this meal was turning out. To be fair, not everyone knows how to cook; we all start somewhere. I started in a kitchen. To be empathetic, I’ll say: nice try man/woman… whoever you are.

Why such a demanding first person you say? Well hell, taste mine and then try the above recipe. Comment if you must but you know, as well as I do, that I’m narcissistic and cynical. I’ll ignore everything but the most adequate shoring up of my ego, good looks , and skill.

Now I guess you need the recipe. Keep in mind that real Juevos Rancheros are cooked directly on the CORN tortilla, not separately. For Cali-style, note the use of Monterrey Jack cheese, but Cheddar will work for Tex-Mex. They are also fried, not baked in an oven like some kind of flat spicy muffin from unknown borders. A real Mexican does not bake the Juevos Rancheros! Hell, come to think of it, neither does an honorary Mexican.

Anyhow, without further ado:

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 Cup Monterrey Jack Cheese
  • 2 Eggs
  • Sour cream
  • 2 Corn Tortillas
  • 1 Sliced Avocado
  • 1/2 cup chopped fresh onion (more or less if desired)
  • 1/2 Cup Salsa Verde. Yes, Verde… the green.
  • 2 tsp Oil
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Tools:

  • Skillet
  • Spatula
  • Plate
  • Fork

Directions:

Place oil in skillet and heat up on low. Place one tortilla in the hot skillet and sprinkle top with cheese.

Break an egg onto the center of the tortilla. Salt and pepper to desired amount. Yes, the egg is now on top of the cheese, which is on the tortilla, which is cooking on LOW. The cheese will help the egg stay in place. Cook on low until the egg is cooking on top of the tortilla. Now, time to flip it. Yes, you will flip the tortilla, egg and all as a single unit. Continue to cook on low until the egg white is no longer runny. The egg yolk should be. Do not break the yolk. Place the real, authentic, Juevo Ranchero (note the singular use), when cooked, onto the aforementioned plate. Garnish with sour cream, salsa verde, avocado slices, and onion. Enjoy with a nice Sangria!

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