Archive for the ‘Recipes’ Category

Take One Armadillo, Add Flash Bulb, and Stir!


I woke up on Sunday of this week and had a song in my head that I heard in a dream that I was having. Now, I know it sounds weird, but it’s also the way that I learned how to play guitar, though that’s hard rock. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote it down. I’d love for someone to finish it and put it to music. Any Takers? I want to hear it again! It was to the tune of Steve Earle’s “Copperhead Road” but faster with less of a foreboding feel…. Here it is:

Baby We’re Goin’ Out

Turn up the radio it’s

My favorite song

Let down your hair baby

Yeah, Let it hang long

You know why?

Baby we’re goin out!

Well I’ll put on my boots

And my old Blue Jeans

Headin’ to the Honky Tonk

With my little queen

Get your dancin shoes on

And that little red dress

I called the sitter

Don’t you worry ’bout the rest

You know why?

Baby We’re goin out!

I’d love to hear it to music or hear others input on this…. so, No copyright, No claim…

Let’s call it open source songwriting!







Slash did not authorize this cookie....

This recipe is one of my family favorites. It was passed to me by my step-father, who was from Monterrey, Mexico. The dish, which can be adjusted for spiciness via cooking times, will easily become a favorite with your family or guests also.

It goes well by itself, in a tortilla as a taco, or over a nice cooked rice. It’s good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. But I prefer it for dinner, as no one usually wants to wake up to the Jalapeno burn in their eyes; you’ll find out what I mean as you cook. Okay, let’s do this first with a list of needs:


2-2.5 Lbs of Pork Steaks, Chops, or Pork Country Style Ribs

1 Medium Onion

3/4 Cup Pickled Nacho Sliced Jalapenos 0r 3 fresh. More if you want! (I prefer pickled, it adds savor)

3 Large Ripe Roma tomatoes

Garlic Salt (I use McCormick’s California Style Garlic Salt with Parsley)

1 Cup of Brewed Coffee

3 Tbsp + 1 Tbsp Cooking oil

Now the Directions:

Heat a large black iron skillet on medium-high and add cooking oil, dice the onions, put them into the skillet with the jalapeno slices, as if sauteing. But, remember you’re not sauteing, you’re going to be braising until they begin to blacken. DO NOT LINGER OVER THIS MIXTURE TOO MUCH WHILE COOKING. IT WILL BURN YOUR EYES.

Carne Con Chiles is NOT Chile con carne...

Stir, but NOT CONSTANTLY. ALLOW THEM TO COOK. While cooking the onion Jalapeno mix, dust with 1 teaspoon full of GARLIC SALT.  Yes, one FULL teaspoon. The onions and Jalapenos will try to stick. Occasionally scrape them from the bottom. The mix will be browned and sticky when it’s ready for the next step. The amount of cooking at this point will project how spicy the Jalapenos remain. The longer you cook this, the less spicy it becomes. Adjusting the spiciness will take practice. But once you cook this dish for a meal, you’ll be cooking it again soon, trust me.

While that is cooking, take the pork, bone it and slice it into bite sized pieces. Be very careful. Chack and double check. Your reputation is at stake. Next, when the onion/Jalapeno mix is “done” add the pork, one more teaspoon of Garlic Salt, and the full cup of coffee to the skillet/onion-Jalapeno mixture.  Stir frequently while cooking, remembering to scrape the bottom of the iron skillet to un-stick the caramelized veggies. Now, dice the Roma tomatoes and set aside.

Cook at this temp until the coffee evaporates and the mixture begins to braise. Make sure all of the pork is done by color before tasting. Is it done? Good. Now, add more garlic salt until the taste is exploding in your mouth. Taste as you go. Add tomatoes and turn heat to medium. Cook until the tomatoes disintegrate into the dish. Turn heat to low. Taste again. Did it explode your salivary glands? Then it’s ready.

For tacos, serve with warm corn tortillas, sharp cheddar cheese (Colby or Longhorn are very good here), sour cream, shredded lettuce and fresh diced avocado. Serves up just as well on a bed of rice, or on Nachos, but to me, tacos are the most portable (tomorrows lunch).

This is a traditional dish that has a lot of room for experimentation. The recipe also works well with chicken instead of pork. Feliz Dia! Let me know how yours turned out… it takes about thirty minutes.


Hefner’s Squirrel Monkey


Kodiak Squirrel



The Dreaded Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

These are great for Ipod, Ipad, Android, or PC

That’s what I said as the waiter lay my breakfast in front of me. He smiled sheepishly. He knew the meal was substandard. Quite turn-key offensive to be honest. He didn’t cook it, but he had actually served it up. That made him as guilty as the cook. Two eggs, some red sauce on top, and what looked like a crushed bag of plain Doritos sprinkled , not so sparingly, on top.

Okay, so I may be a bit of a DIVA, but I know how to cook. I did not like the way this meal was turning out. To be fair, not everyone knows how to cook; we all start somewhere. I started in a kitchen. To be empathetic, I’ll say: nice try man/woman… whoever you are.

Why such a demanding first person you say? Well hell, taste mine and then try the above recipe. Comment if you must but you know, as well as I do, that I’m narcissistic and cynical. I’ll ignore everything but the most adequate shoring up of my ego, good looks , and skill.

Now I guess you need the recipe. Keep in mind that real Juevos Rancheros are cooked directly on the CORN tortilla, not separately. For Cali-style, note the use of Monterrey Jack cheese, but Cheddar will work for Tex-Mex. They are also fried, not baked in an oven like some kind of flat spicy muffin from unknown borders. A real Mexican does not bake the Juevos Rancheros! Hell, come to think of it, neither does an honorary Mexican.

Anyhow, without further ado:


  • 1/2 Cup Monterrey Jack Cheese
  • 2 Eggs
  • Sour cream
  • 2 Corn Tortillas
  • 1 Sliced Avocado
  • 1/2 cup chopped fresh onion (more or less if desired)
  • 1/2 Cup Salsa Verde. Yes, Verde… the green.
  • 2 tsp Oil
  • Salt
  • Pepper


  • Skillet
  • Spatula
  • Plate
  • Fork


Place oil in skillet and heat up on low. Place one tortilla in the hot skillet and sprinkle top with cheese.

Break an egg onto the center of the tortilla. Salt and pepper to desired amount. Yes, the egg is now on top of the cheese, which is on the tortilla, which is cooking on LOW. The cheese will help the egg stay in place. Cook on low until the egg is cooking on top of the tortilla. Now, time to flip it. Yes, you will flip the tortilla, egg and all as a single unit. Continue to cook on low until the egg white is no longer runny. The egg yolk should be. Do not break the yolk. Place the real, authentic, Juevo Ranchero (note the singular use), when cooked, onto the aforementioned plate. Garnish with sour cream, salsa verde, avocado slices, and onion. Enjoy with a nice Sangria!

So here I am. A happily married Culver City California Native and a full time, free-lance writer-photographer and part-time stuntman who loves Big Waves, fast down-hills, old school skateboard tricks (Dog-town), taco stands, coffee houses, and seedy greasy-spoon diners. Did I forget my wife? Nope. She’s the love of my life. She doesn’t criticize my Guacamole. What does my Guacamole have that keeps her chained to my magnificent loins you ask? Try it and see:

My Guacamole Recipe: Don’t say that I don’t care for you.

3 Big Soft Haas Avocado’s

1/2 Cup of Chopped Onions

1 Lemon

1 Lime (if you don’t have these, you can use a packet of Lemon Lime Twangers, You know, the Beer Salt)

1 Tsp Kosher Salt

3/4 Tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 Tsp Black Pepper

1/4 Cup Diced Pickled Jalapenos (You can leave these out if you don’t want peppers, but I prefer them)

1 Tbsp Mayonnaise (Not Miracle Whip)

Seed and Peel the avocado’s, mash them in a large bowl. Add onions, Cut lemon and lime in half, squeeze the juice into the mix. Save the lemon and lime left overs for Iced-tea. Add the rest of the ingredients to the bowl Stir. Let eyes roll back in head after tasting.

See, cooking like a champion is not complex. One must be willing to suffer the defeats on the way to becoming a surfing, skating, daredevil cook such as I. Keep plugging along, you’ll get it right. You never have to be humble when you cook like this!