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I Love My Cat but this is Funny….

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Pretty, but Monkeys hate them.

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Mexican Traditional Dish Recipe: Carne Con Chiles a La Mexicana

This recipe is one of my family favorites. It was passed to me by my step-father, who was from Monterrey, Mexico. The dish, which can be adjusted for spiciness via cooking times, will easily become a favorite with your family or guests also.

It goes well by itself, in a tortilla as a taco, or over a nice cooked rice. It’s good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. But I prefer it for dinner, as no one usually wants to wake up to the Jalapeno burn in their eyes; you’ll find out what I mean as you cook. Okay, let’s do this first with a list of needs:

Ingredients:

2-2.5 Lbs of Pork Steaks, Chops, or Pork Country Style Ribs

1 Medium Onion

3/4 Cup Pickled Nacho Sliced Jalapenos 0r 3 fresh. More if you want! (I prefer pickled, it adds savor)

3 Large Ripe Roma tomatoes

Garlic Salt (I use McCormick’s California Style Garlic Salt with Parsley)

1 Cup of Brewed Coffee

3 Tbsp + 1 Tbsp Cooking oil

Now the Directions:

Heat a large black iron skillet on medium-high and add cooking oil, dice the onions, put them into the skillet with the jalapeno slices, as if sauteing. But, remember you’re not sauteing, you’re going to be braising until they begin to blacken. DO NOT LINGER OVER THIS MIXTURE TOO MUCH WHILE COOKING. IT WILL BURN YOUR EYES.

Carne Con Chiles is NOT Chile con carne...

Stir, but NOT CONSTANTLY. ALLOW THEM TO COOK. While cooking the onion Jalapeno mix, dust with 1 teaspoon full of GARLIC SALT.  Yes, one FULL teaspoon. The onions and Jalapenos will try to stick. Occasionally scrape them from the bottom. The mix will be browned and sticky when it’s ready for the next step. The amount of cooking at this point will project how spicy the Jalapenos remain. The longer you cook this, the less spicy it becomes. Adjusting the spiciness will take practice. But once you cook this dish for a meal, you’ll be cooking it again soon, trust me.

While that is cooking, take the pork, bone it and slice it into bite sized pieces. Be very careful. Chack and double check. Your reputation is at stake. Next, when the onion/Jalapeno mix is “done” add the pork, one more teaspoon of Garlic Salt, and the full cup of coffee to the skillet/onion-Jalapeno mixture.  Stir frequently while cooking, remembering to scrape the bottom of the iron skillet to un-stick the caramelized veggies. Now, dice the Roma tomatoes and set aside.

Cook at this temp until the coffee evaporates and the mixture begins to braise. Make sure all of the pork is done by color before tasting. Is it done? Good. Now, add more garlic salt until the taste is exploding in your mouth. Taste as you go. Add tomatoes and turn heat to medium. Cook until the tomatoes disintegrate into the dish. Turn heat to low. Taste again. Did it explode your salivary glands? Then it’s ready.

For tacos, serve with warm corn tortillas, sharp cheddar cheese (Colby or Longhorn are very good here), sour cream, shredded lettuce and fresh diced avocado. Serves up just as well on a bed of rice, or on Nachos, but to me, tacos are the most portable (tomorrows lunch).

This is a traditional dish that has a lot of room for experimentation. The recipe also works well with chicken instead of pork. Feliz Dia! Let me know how yours turned out… it takes about thirty minutes.

Extra: Easter Bunny Declares War on Peeps, Allies Make Fruit Salad!

In a dazzling show of force, people in countries, towns, and cities celebrated Easter once again by hunting for Easter eggs with their children, finally signifying that the Easter bunny has defeated the peeps militia.

Although the war was quite epic and commercially backed by sponsors, millions upon millions of peeps were beheaded and turned into a fruit salad additive, supposedly because of their  unique marshmallow sugariness (Recipe below). However, no food-fight is without Allied casualties of the tasty kind.

Many millions of eggs were hard boiled, colored, decorated and hidden by the Easter Bunny, only to be discovered in their festive victory regalia by hungry children and adults. After a brief head-count of the casualties, their brightly colored hard shells were destroyed. The remains were then transferred to tasty and festive holiday dishes around the globe.

Dishes such as: Easter Egg Salad, deviled eggs, and a surprisingly savory potato salad additive for garish backyard victory parties. Though Easter Bunny believers are safe, many parties are also scheduled in various remaining peep-lover strongholds around the world.

Though this display is one of anarchy and futile resistance, the peep lovers are unwittingly playing into the Easter bunny’s trap.

The Easter bunny, without remorse, executed a vicious “hidden-in-the-egg” gas attack around the globe on these strongholds, rendering these traitorous interlopers helpless in their future plans to overtake Easter bunny territories.

Beheaded Peeps Fruit Salad:

1 Package of Peeps (Beheaded)

1/2 Cup Chopped Walnuts

1 Cup Canned Mandarin Oranges (Tangerines)

1 cup Canned Crushed Pineapple

1 Cup Shredded and Sweetened Coconut

2 Cups Grapes

1 Full Container Cool Whip

Directions:

Mix all in a big bowl, chill, serves a bunch.

Easter Egg Salad:

12 Hard Boiled Eggs (Shelled)

3 Tbsp Mayonnaise (Not Miracle Whip)

3 Tbsp Yellow Mustard

1/4 Cup Finely Chopped Onion

1/4 Cup Finely Chopped Celery (If you want)

1 Tsp Paprika

1/4 Cup Dill Pickle Relish

Directions:

Chop eggs, onion, and celery. Mix all in large bowl. Salt and pepper to taste.

Squabbit!

Happy Easter, I’m a Squabbit! The Easter Bunny Is My Cousin! Ipad, Iphone, Browser, Apple, PC, Android Compatible. Download me for Easter!

To !HELL! with pastel colored PEEPS! Bring me the Chocolate Bunny! A linked Rant.

Oh, what a sissy thing to love on Easter morning. You all know the topic here. Its Peeps! The shame. The outright ridicule. Eating a Peep. These ridiculously colored, sugar dipped, animal look alikes that are intended to be what? Eaten? It’s a Chickie, or a Bunny… ooooh. Peeps. Don’t make me take a blowtorch to you. You little fluffy, sugar coated, rubbery mystery animal.

Wait, my kids love them. Bullshit! I have to throw that card. Bullshiiiit! Peeps are only good for their utilitarian use”

• Plug a leak in a perfectly good boat
• Plug up the terlet
• Bathtub stopper
• Sink stopper
• Packing a musket to keep the load from coming out
• Irritating the CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY!

Seriously? You think that these little bright bastards of candy-land were going to sneak past “THE GODFATHER” of EASTER candy? He IS the Easter bunny! He has family. Why is he called the GODFATHER you ask?

• He is Hollowed, That’s why
• He shits jellybeans
• The Easter Bunny Lays EGGS! An AMAZING FEAT!

The Easter bunny’s eggs have delighted both children and adults since the beginning of our known time. The Easter bunny  allowed Ronald Reagan to have his own Jelly Beans on his desk. Ronald Reagan still hunted for Easter eggs; not Peeps. Peeps are nothing but sugary, died, marshmallow Animal Crackers. Animal crackers aren’t cool. The Godfather said so.

So, in light of this little machine made impostor of an Easter Bunny Original, I have my eye on you, peepy McPeepmaster.

Rockin Juevos Rancheros, California Style!

That’s what I said as the waiter lay my breakfast in front of me. He smiled sheepishly. He knew the meal was substandard. Quite turn-key offensive to be honest. He didn’t cook it, but he had actually served it up. That made him as guilty as the cook. Two eggs, some red sauce on top, and what looked like a crushed bag of plain Doritos sprinkled , not so sparingly, on top.

Okay, so I may be a bit of a DIVA, but I know how to cook. I did not like the way this meal was turning out. To be fair, not everyone knows how to cook; we all start somewhere. I started in a kitchen. To be empathetic, I’ll say: nice try man/woman… whoever you are.

Why such a demanding first person you say? Well hell, taste mine and then try the above recipe. Comment if you must but you know, as well as I do, that I’m narcissistic and cynical. I’ll ignore everything but the most adequate shoring up of my ego, good looks , and skill.

Now I guess you need the recipe. Keep in mind that real Juevos Rancheros are cooked directly on the CORN tortilla, not separately. For Cali-style, note the use of Monterrey Jack cheese, but Cheddar will work for Tex-Mex. They are also fried, not baked in an oven like some kind of flat spicy muffin from unknown borders. A real Mexican does not bake the Juevos Rancheros! Hell, come to think of it, neither does an honorary Mexican.

Anyhow, without further ado:

Ingredients:

• 1/2 Cup Monterrey Jack Cheese
• 2 Eggs
• Sour cream
• 2 Corn Tortillas
• 1 Sliced Avocado
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh onion (more or less if desired)
• 1/2 Cup Salsa Verde. Yes, Verde… the green.
• 2 tsp Oil
• Salt
• Pepper

Tools:

• Skillet
• Spatula
• Plate
• Fork

Directions:

Place oil in skillet and heat up on low. Place one tortilla in the hot skillet and sprinkle top with cheese.

Break an egg onto the center of the tortilla. Salt and pepper to desired amount. Yes, the egg is now on top of the cheese, which is on the tortilla, which is cooking on LOW. The cheese will help the egg stay in place. Cook on low until the egg is cooking on top of the tortilla. Now, time to flip it. Yes, you will flip the tortilla, egg and all as a single unit. Continue to cook on low until the egg white is no longer runny. The egg yolk should be. Do not break the yolk. Place the real, authentic, Juevo Ranchero (note the singular use), when cooked, onto the aforementioned plate. Garnish with sour cream, salsa verde, avocado slices, and onion. Enjoy with a nice Sangria!

The Top Ten, All Time, Greatest “Famous Last Words”

 

1. Hold my beer!
2. Hey ya’ll, watch this!
3. You’re sure the electricity is off?
4. Nice puppy…
5. Don’t worry, it isn’t loaded.
6. GERONIMOOOOOOO!
7. No, I don’t want to go to the doctor.
8. It smells like it’s still okay.
9. My car can do 150
10. I’m Okay. I can drive. I only had a couple